3 yrs - Translate

Heads up Non Native Oklahomans不不不Public service announcement
You transplants that are new to Oklahoma, are about to experience Oklahoma Winter. This is 6 or 7 days of cold, maybe some ice and snow. The weatherman will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not and if the weatherman says 2 inches it could be 10 or it could be 1/2. It doesnt matter how much snow it is, well all freak out because we dont see snow often.
The threat of snow (or ice) from the weatherman is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesnt matter if you need these items. Its just what we do. Everyone in town will be there.
Youll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers and finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. Youre in the redneck district.
Dont look for a sled. You wont find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know its not a hill. You live in the flatland, just go with it. Youll be alarmed by the fact that youre sledding towards a bar, ditch, fence or maybe into the road. Just go with it. Youll be fine.
We dont have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess and even though the state has been telling you for a week theyre ready, theyre not and it wont work. Just stay home if you can and if you cant just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice.
Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.
If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Dont try to help them, they live for this stuff, and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams hey yall watch this just get back and get your phone out and start recording, youll probably have a viral video. Also of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, dont be rude, take them and smile.
No matter what you do, dont talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios. Nobody cares. You live in Oklahoma now, Oklahomans know they live in the greatest state in the country and its our way or the highway.
When we act like were going to die and start to complain about the 7 days of winter just shut up, were serious and we dont care how much you love it. We dont.
Youll be back in shorts and flip flops in a week to ten days and itll be nice until right around Easter.
Oklahoma's second winter will be 2 or 3 days and will hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant flowers and a garden. We know youre not from around here when we see youve planted flowers before Easter and before the second winter has hit.
This is why all the people at the nursery dont sound like us when youre shopping for plants. We know better.
During second winter itll go from 70 to 25 and youll experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of spring before summer gets here and itll be melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween.

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